


To Feel Loved

by Ark666



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Drunkenness, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, good Renee
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:33:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29212725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ark666/pseuds/Ark666
Summary: Elliott just wants his father's love, or anyone's love for the most part. He craves affection. His brothers were gone, his mother didn't remember him sometimes, and his father was flakey. Underneath his façade, Elliott Witt was just someone who did whatever he could to make people like him so that he could feel love.
Relationships: Mirage | Elliott Witt & Wraith | Renee Blasey
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

Of course Elliott knew that meeting up at the bar with his _deadbeat_ father was going to be a bad idea. Even though he knew better didn’t mean he didn’t want to see him. Since his mother was having her memory loss and episodes due to whatever she did when she used to work, and since his brothers were gone as well, Elliott craved any familial attention that he could get.

His mother sometimes forgot who he was...it was like he didn’t _**exist**_ anymore.

He knew going to the bar was a bad idea, but he just wanted to feel loved by someone that was supposed to love him unconditionally. His father had left when his brothers went MIA, making a hard situation even worse for him and his mother. He’d packed a bag, and just like that, his father was gone for years. The only times that Elliott sees his father is when he wants something. That something is usually using his son’s fame as an ego boost/ hookup boost.

Elliott knows that and still always goes when his father wants him to go...sometimes his father doesn’t even show up, but he still goes because he wants to feel like he is **_wanted_**.

Renee told him not to go, but he still went like he always does. She seemed more nervous this time. Elliott knew that he should listen to her and to his brain, but his heart won’t listen to them because he feels like he needed to be there.

When his father texts him, he _**always**_ answers back to him quickly. Never in return does he ever get a text back quickly, unless something is needed of him. When Elliott texts him anything, he might not hear back for weeks, even if it is something important.

  * renee didn’t want him to go
  * his brain didn’t want him to go either
  * he knew it was only because his father wanted something



emotional abuse
    when someone is abusive emotionally; they play on your emotions to control you; can also be to keep on a leash; their control you to where they make you think that emotions are more important than yours, or that you are overreacting

* * *

His father spotted him first from across the bar, “El! You need to get over here and explain how you tricked that robot guy to my new friends Kaitlynn and Aurellia!”

”It’s been awhile, but I’d love to after I get a drink in my hands,” Elliott told him while walking up to the empty bar stool next to his father.

The bar wasn’t something that he would willingly choose to go for drinks himself, to bartend in the offseason was another matter because he loved meeting all of the different people from the other planets. It was a dirty bar in a rough area in the city. Pleasant to be a bartender, but not so much as a patron. This was the kind of bar that you keep your head down when drinking.

”Already got you one,” his father handed him some drink. Elliott took a sip of it and realized that it was a strong drink. Long Island Tea if he can recall based off of taste alone. “What are you twenty? Drink up.”

”So what’s this story of how you tricked Revenant?” The one that he thinks was Kaitlynn asked him, given by her necklace was of the letter ‘K’. “I’m _dying_ to hear that one, that robot thinks he’s hot shit about the game. A cute man like you tricking him is something I _have_ to hear.”

Elliott took a long sip of his drink. He really didn’t want to drink too much on his empty stomach since he’d rushed over here when he was asked. “It was noth-nothing really,” he started out his story. In reality he was terrified of the man turned robot.“The tough guy was more concerned with shooting everything that moved so I sent out my decoy, and bamboozled him. He chased the-me-my-uh-clone halfway across the map and almost went into the ring. It was a good day for me.”

“Aren’t you forgetting the part where you nearly shit yourself when seeing him later in that match El!?!” his father laughed loudly, he seemed to be already drunk. Elliott pulled his mouth into a thin line both out of embarrassment and to keep from lashing out.

”Awww he’s such a cutie though,” Aurellia cooed at him. “He’s gotten Revenant in other matches. Risking his life for our entertainment. I mean if his beacon breaks he could die die.”

Elliott did not need reminding of this fact. Nope, not at **all**. He took a large sip of his drink this time. Relishing the way the liquor seemed to make him feel **warm** and **loved**. Alcohol _doesn’t_ judge him. Alcohol _doesn’t_ leave him. Alcohol _doesn’t_ not message him back when he needs him. Alcohol is _**always**_ there to keep him warm and loved.

”You win, you lose, you die...well...that’s pretty much it...I suppose,” he stumbled around his words and drained the rest of his drink.

His father clasped an arm around his back. “Don’t worry El, you did your best. It wasn’t as bad as when you failed to get in the ring those several times-Let’s get another drink in your hands, his father waved over the bartender.

In his pocket his phone buzzed.

### Renee

#### Don’t leave. I’m on my way. Be there in 30

”Here you go, legend. It’s been awhile since I’ve had one of the living legends here,” the bartender handed him what appeared to be the same drink.

”Thank you,” Elliott nodded starting to really feel the effects of the first drink. Since he hadn’t eaten anything in hours he could **really** feel it wearing on in his system. Maybe Renee was wrong about tonight, Elliott thought.


	2. The Love of a Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renee

At this point Elliott began to think that drinking that first drink so fast was indeed a very stupid rash decision. Renee was always saying that he needed to think through on the actions of his consequences more. Considering that he was close to being placed into rehab again for his substance abuse problems he should probably listen to her more.

Before he had left for the bar she had told him that there were quite a few more instances where he would end up in rehab, compared to the average day for him. That was the majority of what he understood before she tried to get him to not go using the whole ‘ _you know how this is going to go, it is always the same thing as it always is. He’s just using you_ ’ type of thing. She was right of course, but he _always_ goes anyways. Maybe his father was going to be different that time.

His father was no different this time, like he was the other times.

A few minutes, and a few more stories after his text from Renee, his father and Aurellia had left the bar. Drunk as hell and with Kaitlynn pawing at him he could say that he got off easy. Sometimes his father would ask for some money, or to use his party ship. Although he was never this drunk. This was the kind of drunk where he ended up in the hospital and being told that he had to go to rehab. Elliott **never** wanted to be this drunk ever again. 

The Apex Games enjoyed sharing the details of the personal lives of the contestants _if_ they could get ahold of it, and there wasn’t too much on how not to obtain someone’s records if you have the right information. People like Crypto were smart like that, to not share any details other than to show up to the qualifying rounds of the competition. People like Elliott on the other hand earned their way in with their lives and personalities, therefore, _**nothing**_ was **allowed** to be private about them.

When he went to rehab the last time and completed it, within a few minutes of leaving the building the press were all over him asking questions. TV and internet wasn’t something that they were allowed in the facility that he was in, but apparently he was all over it. The Game’s Heartthrob Mirage treated for addiction.

Elliott almost drank his way back in there that night. His therapists think that he should go back in. Almost all of the other Legends therapists think that they shouldn’t be part of the games and in some kind of impatience from the level of violence that they expose themselves to. Caustic...Alexander?’s had pleaded with the Apex game creators to remove him from the games with his level of _enthusiastic_ experiments. From being on the receiving end of the experiments Elliott could agree with them.

He still wanted the man to like him so he would answer Caustic’s questions after the match was over. Somehow he felt like this also made the man try to find him in the arena since he was nice enough to actually answer.

Elliott thinks he shut his eyes at some point because he felt someone shake his shoulder. It was the woman at the bar, he didn’t remember her name anymore. He felt bad for that, but he couldn’t be bothered by that since his vision was swimming. A drink pressed to his lips and he drank. He couldn’t taste the alcohol anymore. Never can when drunk enough. He doesn’t consciously drink the drink...he just swallowed as it came into his mouth.

”That’s enough.” The voice of a really dark angel called out commanding the woman. Renee to his rescue! “Leave before I call the police, or worse. I know worse.”

”Sorry Ma’am I didn’t know that he was taken,” the woman dropped the drink on the floor. The plastic cup bopped around the floor. The woman left leaving him to Renee’s care.

”You’re lucky I got here when I did. I know you want a family, but I don’t think that you want her to be the mother of your child,” Renee paid the bartender his bill. “You know and I know that meeting up with your father always ends the same way. It’s getting worse every time. Next time he’ll ask you to sign a contract. Let’s get you to Ajay.” She shouldered his weight as she brought them to her taxi. “She owes me a favor and I don’t think you want to go to rehab mid-season.”

“Why does seeing hurt so much?” Elliott almost sobbed. The vertigo was really bad this time, must have been the most bottom shelf shit that any bar could ever hold.

”Because you drank way too much and that’s why you shouldn’t drink,” She cooed him slightly as they got in the car. “And I’m going to have to ask Ajay to help you remember that so you think of this every time you are about to drink.”

”Don’t have to...remember nearly everything when drunk, never been blackout, it’s cursefull,” he spoke softly as his mind conjured up the idea that if he spoke softer than his vision wouldn’t swim as badly.

”Why do you continue if you know what the consequences are?” Renee asked him.

”Alcohol doesn’t _leave_ , alcohol doesn’t _die_ , alcohol doesn’t _judge_ , alcohol doesn’t remind me that I’m financially ruined, and alcohol is **always** there unless I’m sober,” Elliott frowned deeply tearing up. “I don’t think most people realize that I walk the line of being a trainwreck and being functional. I’m just a miserable person who does things because he’s miserable. My mom can’t remember me, some of my friends died fighting the same game as me, my father won’t talk to me unless he wants something, and I don’t know how to talk to people unless I’m wearing a mask like I’m the most confident happy person in the world.”

”Try being more honest with yourself first Elliott,” she ran a hand through his hair. He was hyperventilating crying while laying across her. “Nobody’s perfectly confident so you don’t have to act like it all the time.”

” _I have to…_ ” his voice broke. “ _Otherwise_ I’ll break completely.”

She began to hum while he cried on her until he passed out. Lucky for her Oct and Ajay were waiting outside to help her carry Elliott up to their apartment. Even though this was a favor owed she’d have to buy them breakfast to make up for the drunken mess.

”How bad is he?” Ajay asked moving to help them out of the car.

”Bad,” she answered letting Oct do most of the work. “Passed out crying himself to sleep. The I’m so miserable physically and emotionally kind of drunk.”

”That never gets any good footage. Why can’t he be the happy drunk like me?” Oct complained.

”People act like who they actually are and not someone that they’re trying to be when they’re drunk. It breaks all of the walls and masks. A lot of people are the sad or angry drunk anymore,” Ajay sighed not wanting to have to explain it any further at the moment. Her first order of business was getting Elliott to vomit. This was _not_ going to be a fun night for her.

#### Ajay’s Shitty Night List For Dealing With the Very Drunk

  1. Get Elliott to puke...easy
  2. Get a bucket next to the bed in the guest room
  3. Place fluid IV
  4. Wait to see changes



Ajay may have gotten some extra supplies for her apartment since the games couldn’t be well trusted enough at times to make sure that they get medical attention when they leave. Sometimes she felt like they did it on purpose. Yeah they have very good medical insurance through the games, but they still only got paid just above average. And with all of the things Oct does… _ugh_...she sometimes wondered why they moved in together.

”El will be ok,” Renee told her. “He should vomit a couple more times and then he’ll wake up with the hangover. I just don’t know how much longer he can go before he does something that the void can’t find or answer. Our lives are made up of a collective of every single little decision and I can’t see many possibilities where he won’t make it out of the next few months anymore.”

”Drinking?” Ajay asked her. Renee nodded in confirmation. “Sometimes you _can’t_ help someone even if you want to. Knowing what could happen doesn’t mean it will happen, and knowing what will happen _won’t_ make you a bad person for not being able to prevent it.

”I know...it’s just complicated…” Renee quietly said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what it's like to not remember after drinking. It's not fuzzy, I remember it all. Therefore, I can't write a character who does forget or has fuzzy details for remembering when drinking. Yes I have been so drunk that I passed out crying because I was so dizzy. Shitty night vomiting, and next day's hangover.


End file.
